At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it at the crowd to see who is next.

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  And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in & doing whatever we wanted in a clean house, so we had kids.

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  I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She hugged me.

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  Anyone getting to the point where it would be OK if Jolene came and took your man?

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  When someone tells me I look familiar, I tell them, “I do porn.”

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