Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

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  I didn’t wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed. Now I’m worried about my vagina.

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  And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in & doing whatever we wanted in a clean house, so we had kids.

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  My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.

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  Fun Fact: If you refill a wine glass before it’s empty, it still counts as one glass.

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